Spanish i's

Merry Christmas 2007

I've been a bit lazy and rubbish with evilflea the last couple of weeks, but I couldn't let Christmas go by without uploading something. I've been quite busy and I've got a few other ideas that will either take a while to make or won't be evilflea projects (and will take a while to make).

I was out Christmas shopping in London yesterday and it was hellish. I sketched these while I was taking some respite (and a coffee and toasted ciabatta) in a cafe on Argyll Street. I'm off up to Edinburgh tomorrow so I won't be able to upload then, and I haven't really got the time or inclination to draw them up properly, so you've just got the sketched versions.

I realised the "06" on the car would have been better as an "07" just after I drew it on.

Merry Christmas everyone.

I Beat Kate

Fish 4

Star Trek, including Part 4

And now, from start to finish...

Star Trek, Part 3

Star Trek, Part 2

Star Trek, Part 1

This is part of a twelve-panel A2 comic I've drawn, that will be auctioned for WaterAid (complete with frame), at Karmageddon 5 this Saturday. I had a bit of trouble tracking down anyone who could scan A2, so I just ended up doing it on my A4 scanner and piecing it hurriedly together on my computer. So the scanning quality isn't perfect, but obviously it's the original that's being auctioned.

It arose from a very geeky conversation with Chris and Toby a couple of Saturdays ago whilst watching cable TV. I'll upload three panels at a time on Monday to Thursday this week.

iPeas

Stick Men 3

Movies They Never Made 72

For those of you unaware of who David Blunkett is, here's a well known reliable information source from the Internet to inform you: Clicky

Problems With Stick Men 2

Problems With Stick Men

The last line was partly inspired by xkcd, of course...

The Geekiest Picture I've Ever Drawn

Click on the picture to see a bigger version and see if you can spot all of the references. There are 13. Or, at least, there are 13 intentional ones.

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Movies They Never Made 70

Another Bad Hospital Joke

The Girl With The Forgettable Face

I once met a girl called Katie
With flowers in her hair.
She wore a pretty summer dress
And sandals light as air.

It was at the garden barbeque
Of two old friends from school.
We were stood outside the marquee
Just past the swimming pool.

We found we both felt alien
In this garden of excess.
Where the other guests spoke only
Of their monetary success.

We talked for many hours
On matters of the day,
Of politics and popstars,
Of war and Brian May.

But the next time that I saw her
She wore very different clothes,
And I failed to even recognise
Her most indistinctive nose.

It was in an indie nightclub
When I saw some friends of mine;
A most pleasing encounter
(I'd not seen them in some time).

A girl in jeans and t-shirt
And six piercings in one ear
Dancing with them came to
Talk with me as soon as I was near.

Her face was not familiar,
Nor was her rock chick guise.
I felt no flicker of cognition
Peering into her listless eyes.

She said her name was Katie
And that we had met before,
But I told her if that was the case
I would remember her for sure.

I didn't recognise her eyebrows,
I didn't recognise her teeth,
I was certain if I'd talked to her
It must have been very brief.

Her lips lacked definition
And I could not describe her skin,
Not even if you locked me up
And threw a tiger in.

She looked a touch disheartened
That I was unable to place
Her, simply on account
Of her very average face.

She patiently reminded me
As she took me to one side.
Then all traces of annoyance,
She wiped out of her mind.

We drank 'til after midnight
And we talked 'til half past two,
And I fell in love with Katie
At encounter number two.

We agreed that we would meet again
For luncheon the next day
At the fountain by the station
On Sir Terence Higgins' Way.

At one o'clock I waited
For the girl who stole my heart
And hoped it would not end before
It even had a chance to start.

I wanted her to look at me
The way she had before
(Though I couldn't quite remember how
She'd looked at me for sure).

I waited for her patiently,
Inventing new excuses
For her lack of punctuality,
Mostly involving mooses.

Perhaps she had been training them
In the skillful art of mime,
And had been making such good progress that
She'd lost all track of time.

Perhaps she'd had to duel with one
For besmirching my good name,
And whilst defending for my honour,
She'd narrowly missed the train.

By two my tales ran dry and flat,
I told myself to go.
This girl for whom I'd fallen
Clearly didn't want to know.

I hug my head with sadness
That I simply could not hide.
In that moment, a tiny
Little part of me had died.

But as I turned upon my heels,
I heard a strained voice say,
"How could you not remember me?
You only saw me yesterday."

She was stood there in a parka coat,
She had been there all the time.
I'd seen her when I got there,
Even wondered why she cried.

I suppose at least that did explain
The tears staining her cheeks.
I'd thought she'd looked as if she'd cried
For weeks and weeks and weeks.

I met a girl called Katie
But I couldn't make her stay.
She didn't think I liked her
So she turned and walked away.

Last month I heard that Katie
Would be on a TV quiz.
It made me stop and think of her,
"I wonder how she is..."

I set my tape recorder
So I could video her show,
For I had a family dinner
To which I couldn't have said no.

I made myself a cup of tea
At home when I got in,
Before I put the tape on,
To calm the butterflies within.

With a little hesitation
I rewound it to the start
And prepared to watch the clever girl
Who still possessed my heart.

But when I pressed the button
To play the quiz show back,
On the recording there was something
That just one contestant lacked.

While all the others' features
Would unfalteringly show,
Katie's face was missing.
All in it's place, was snow.

Despite my sweetheart's beauty,
It had recorded just her dress.
Her face was so forgettable,
Even on VHS.

Movies They Never Made 69

My Life As A Tennis Ball

I wrote this on Wednesday in Mpandangindo village, Tanzania, a few days after being robbed at knife point in Dar Es Salaam. At the time the Chairman of the village was getting me drunk, and as such I was in a state of heightened ridiculousness. That and I'd been reading a lot of Spike Milligan.

My life is like a tennis ball,
It always bounces back.
It's yellow, round and furry...
Here the simile falls flat.

My life is like a tennis ball,
It always bounces back...
Except when someone serves an ace.
This simile is crap.

My life is like a tennis ball,
It always bounces back.
And children cut me open
To see what's inside.

I'm off travelling, but first I have a favour to ask...

I'm going off back to Tanzania for a month in a couple of weeks, so you won't see anything new on here until late September. If you are interested in what I'm up to when I'm there, I'll be updating my blog on TravelFlea.

The other plan I have is to get some postcards printed off and see if anyone's silly enough to spend real money on them. Either most of them or all of them will be Movies They Never Made. Obviously the more designs I get printed to start with, the more expensive it will be, so I'll just print a few different ones to start with.

I've taken the liberty of drawing up a "shortlist" of my particular favourites, and I'd be grateful if you let me know which ones you really like by commenting on here. [Edit: Please make sure you comment on this post, so they're all in one place. I might not count them otherwise. Ta.] So here they are:

Clash Of The Tartans Clicky

Eternal Shoeshine Of The Spotless Mind Clicky

She's All Hat Clicky

Smokey & The Bandaid Clicky

Apocalypse Cow Clicky

The Thyme Machine Clicky

Planet Of The Grapes Clicky

Attack Of The 50 Foot Woman Clicky

Vanilla In The Mist Clicky

I *Heart* Bumblebees Clicky

9 1/2 Sikhs Clicky

The Evil Bread Clicky

Back To The Suture Clicky

Lost In Alsatian Clicky

The Blizzard Of Oz Clicky

Out Off Africa Clicky

Flight Of The Laminator Clicky

Flight Of The Alligator Clicky

Fish 3

A Chase Sequence

Movies They Never Made 68

Another double upload today. I usually try not to do the same movie twice, but I thought of this one:

before thinking this alternative was better:

and then deciding I was right the first time.

Thought For The Day

Level out your Carbon Footprint. Fill it back in with Concrete!

A Cautionary Tale

Pull a Sickie!

Conga Roos

Cut-Backs

Fish 2

Another first for EvilFlea! I drew the first one, then thought some people might not like it, so I did an alternative, with the same title. Admittedly, not much of a first, but then it has been a long long day.

Movies They Never Made 67

This one's for Warren...

Fish

This one's an actual fish. I think.

Not Fish

When I drew this, I thought Roe was a type of fish.

Apparently it's not.

Roe is fish eggs.

But I bloody love the drawing, so I'm uploading it anyway. I'll start the Fish series properly later.

By the way, if anyone has a better name for this cartoon, please do make suggestions.

Edit: I knew you'd come good. Barely ten minutes after posting, Warren has come up with "Carpital Punishment". This pleases me.

This Door...

Movies They Never Made 66